When I said I couldn’t have been more wrong, I really couldn’t. Craig hadn’t accepted my pregnancy, he hadn’t suddenly realised everything I wanted him to & when I said it felt like he was drunk, he must have been because that night he couldn’t even remember. Craig struggled, Craig struggled the whole way through my pregnancy, I can talk about it now because I know the outcome but in that moment it wasn’t easy.
I’ll start at our twelve week scan, I had continued to do 10000 pregnancy test before this scan because I was just so in denial, Craig kept asking ‘are you sure you’re actually pregnant’ well yeah, I mean as best as I can be? We had told family, friends & work because I can’t keep a secret & felt like Craig had to tell people to try & make it real for himself. Everyone was absolutely over the moon, I knew just how loved this baby was going to be but I’ll be honest, I think Craig thought it was going to be one big dream & he would wake up.
We sat there, in the waiting room & the women called us in, I laid on the bed & the women talked & I didn’t even listen – I was just desperate to see my baby on that screen & for Craig to see it. You know what they are like, they don’t say a bloody word just making you wait until they’ve got all their information & then they start. In that 5 minutes I could not stop shaking, I imagine everyone feels the same, all you want is to see your baby and know everything is ok.
She turned the screen around & showed us, there it was, our baby, 12 weeks & 2 days, all perfect & wonderful. I just cried, absolutely sobbed. Reality set in & I just knew, I just knew that no matter what this baby would change my life in the best way possible. In that moment I didn’t care how Craig felt, I didn’t care how anyone felt. I had spent so long trying to comfort Craig & make sure he was doing ok, I hadn’t even considered myself. The morning sickness, the tiredness, I had dealt with it all myself because I just knew Craig didn’t want to know. But right there & then, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I vaguely remember Craig asking questions, the scan was so clear & we could see babies heart beating & it’s little feet. I thought to myself, how could he ever not want this baby now? Here it is in black & white, moving around, his own flesh & blood.
When we left we chatted & I just sat staring at the picture, sending it to anyone & everyone so elated that the baby was fine & we had a confirmed due date – 07th November 2016. I had learnt over the past 6 weeks that talking about it to Craig didn’t help, in fact I think it made it worse, he was struggling to come to terms with it & he had to do It at his own pace in his own time, so instead I talked to everyone else.
At 16 weeks we went for our private gender scan, even then he wasn’t very interested, he was convinced we would have a girl but I knew from the moment I had done that pregnancy test that we would have a boy. Totally confirmed, a boy. Craig didn’t seem to have any emotions about it, all he said was, ‘I thought we’d have a girl’ I think what kept me going was that I just knew that as soon as this baby was born, everything would change. I knew it & I think he did as well.
My pregnancy went really smoothly, I had very little sickness, very little problems & I kept working right up to 38 weeks just knowing that he would be late (boys usually are everyone told me) We had set George’s nursery up, it was absolutely perfect & slowly but surely, Craig was coming around, don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t jumping for joy but we could hold a conversation about the baby, discuss names, what parenthood would be like, but it was limited. My baby shower was amazing, my friends & family where all amazing & I just couldn’t wait for my beautiful boy to be born.
The 07th November came around, I woke up in the morning & Craig had booked the day off just in case anything happened but I felt absolutely fine, no twinges, no signs, just still extremely pregnant. I had googled old wives tales & was convinced I would do them all that day. So in the morning I drank raspberry tea, I bounced on my ball none stop & then Craig suggested a walk, yep let’s do a walk. I had seen going on a bumpy car ride could help so Craig went the back route everywhere in hopes something would happen, to be fair to him, that day he was brilliant, he did everything I asked but I could tell he was nervous, I could tell in the back of his mind all he could thing was ‘this baby is coming & I don’t know how I feel’.
We walked for about an hour around the tarn, very few people around & we didn’t talk, we just held hands & smiled at passers by, I could tell both our minds where going wild but we just didn’t say anything out loud. We drove home, ordered a curry & I sat on my ball. Now this is so strange but at about 8pm Craig said, ‘I’m knackered, I think I’m going to bed, are you coming?’ Now Craig is such a night owl & never goes to bed early but off he went, I decided to stay up as my mind wouldn’t shut off and keep bouncing, drinking tea & walking around.
At 9.30 I thought sod it, I’ll go to bed, so I tidied up, walked upstairs, put my pjs on & climbed into bed. The moment I got in to bed, I weed, well, I thought I had weed. I didn’t say anything so bloody embarrassed, walked (waddled) to the bathroom & sat on the loo. Well, total confirmation, my waters had broke.